THE
CALL
TO
DEEPER
RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD
The
Five Phases
Phase
One
The
Light That One Had Before
Appears
As Darkness
Phase
Two
The
Call To Leave Behind The Past
And
Experience God In A New Way
Phase
Three
Response
To The Call
-
Fear and resistance
-
Surrender
Phase
Four
Life
Review
-
Re-experience of one's sinfulness
-
A sense of quiet and peace in between
-
A fresh insight into God's mercy and
goodness
-
A new awareness of one's giftedness
-
Acceptance of oneself as a sinner and
as one being forgiven
-
Being drawn into a union of love
-
Solitude, silence: inner necessities
Phase
Five (concluded)
Deepening
Of Intimacy
|
Phase
Five: Deepening
Of Intimacy --
continued
One's
Concern:
Let
Jesus Live His Life In Oneself;
Oneness
And Intimacy With God
The more I lose myself in you, Lord, the more I am able to dance to the
rhythm of your redeeming grace. Like the snake that swims in darkness between
the crevices of rocks in order to shed its skin, I too, slowly strip off
my old self to allow the Christ in me come through as I grow. My sole concern
in this life is to be more and more at one with you.
It
is the whole of my being, Lord Jesus, that you would have me give you,
tree and fruit alike, the finished work as well as the harnessed power,
the opus together with the operatio. To allay your hunger and slake your
thirst, to nourish your body and bring it to its full stature, you need
to find in us a substance which will truly be food for you. And this food
ready to be transformed into you, this nourishment for your flesh, I will
prepare for you by liberating the spirit in myself and in everything: through
an effort to learn the truth, to live the good, to create the beautiful;
through cutting away all inferior and evil energies; through practicing
that charity towards all men which alone can gather up the multitude into
a single soul....
To promote,
in however small a degree, the awakening of spirit in the world is to offer
to the incarnate Word an increase of reality and stability; it is to allow
his influence to grow in intensity around us.17
| Rm
8:38-39 |
Nothing,
neither death nor life, nor any power, will come between your love and
me. |
| Jn
15: 9-17 |
You
have chosen to call me your friend, and love me enough to lay down your
life for me |
| Jer
1:5 |
I
was consecrated to you before I was born. |
| Ps
42 |
I
long for you as a deer yearns for running streams. |
| Ps
63 |
I
pine for you, my heart thirsts for you, my body longs for you. |
| Sg
8: 6-7 |
You
are set as a seal on my heart, your love is stronger than death, a flash
of fire no flood can quench, no torrents drown. |
|
Living
On Love
Living
on Love is not setting up one’s tent
At
the top of Tabor.
It’s
climbing Calvary with Jesus,
It’s
looking at the Cross as a treasure!....
In
heaven I’m to live on joy.
Then
trials will have fled forever,
But
in exile, in suffering I want
To
live on Love.
Living
on Love is banishing every fear,
Every
memory of past faults.
I
see no imprint of my sins.
In
a moment love has burned everything.....
Divine
Flame, O very sweet Blaze!
I
make my home in your hearth.
In
your fire I gladly sing:
“I
live on Love!...”
“Living
on Love, what strange folly!”
The
world says to me, “Ah! stop your singing,
Don’t
waste your perfumes, your life.
Learn
to use them well...”
Loving
you, Jesus, is such a fruitful loss!...
All
my perfumes are yours forever.
I
want to sing on leaving this world:
“I’m
dying of Love!”
Dying
of Love is a truly sweet martyrdom,
And
that is the one I wish to suffer.
O
Cherubim! Tune your lyre,
For
I sense my exile is about to end!...
Flame
of Love, consume me unceasingly.
Life
of an instant, your burden is so heavy to me!
Divine
Jesus, make my dream come true:
To
die of Love!....
Dying
of Love is what I hope for.
When
I shall see my bonds broken.
My
God will be my great reward.
I
don’t desire to possess other goods.
I
want to be set on fire with his Love.
I
want to see Him, to unite myself to Him forever.
That
is my heaven... that is my destiny:
Living
on Love!!!...... 19 |
Experiencing
Divine Adoption As Being Realized In Oneself
Imagine myself as a newborn lamb, my mother has died in giving birth to
me. Soon I too will die without fresh milk. The shepherd matches me with
a ewe that has just lost her newborn by smearing the blood and fluid from
the afterbirth of the ewe’s dead baby on me. The ewe sniffs me over and
then accepts me as her own. I am nourished by her and grow up by her side.
Jesus, your blood has redeemed me. You have taught me to call God my father.
Though we are 2000 years apart I have become part of your family, sharing
the same gift of faith, hope and love. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.
O
eternal God, light surpassing all other light because all light comes forth
from you! O fire surpassing every fire because you alone are the fire that
burns without consuming! You consume whatever sin and selfishness you find
in the soul. Yet your consuming does not distress the soul but fattens
her with insatiable love, for though you satisfy her she is never sated
but longs for you constantly. The more she possesses you the more she seeks
you, and the more she seeks and desires you the more she finds and enjoys
you, high eternal fire, abyss of charity! 18
| Gen
22:13 |
You
are the ram that has been offered to redeem my life. |
| Ex
12: 21-22 |
Your
blood protected us from death that would have struck us. |
| Ps
103: 3-5 |
You
redeem my life from the abyss, and crown me with faithful love and tenderness. |
| Jn
5:1-18 |
I
suffer from prolonged paralysis, you seek me out
and
heal me. |
| Lk
19: 1-10 |
Like
Zaccheus, I am called to lead a new life. |
| Mt
16:13-23 |
You
have adopted me with a new name and given me a new mission. |
| Mk
5: 1-20 |
I
am freed from being possessed by my own dark spirits. You are persecuted
for my sake. |
| Mt.
12: 49-50 |
You
have called me your brother, your sister and your mother. |
|
I
Have Learned To Love You Late
I
have learnt to love you late,
Beauty
at once so ancient and so new!
I
have learnt to love you late!
You
were within me, and I was in the world outside myself.
I
searched for you outside myself and,
Disfigured
as I was, I fell upon the lovely things of your creation.
You
were with me, but I was not with you.
The
beautiful things of this world kept me far from you and yet,
If
they had not been in you, they would have had no being at all.
You
called me; you cried aloud to me;
You
broke my barrier of deafness.
You
shone upon me;
Your
radiance enveloped me;
You
put my blindness to flight.
You
shed your fragrance about me;
I
drew breath and now I gasp for your sweet odour.
I
tasted you, and now I hunger and thirst for you.
You
touched me, and I am inflamed with love of your peace.20 |
Call
To A Fresh Leap Of Faith
Like the Israelites travelling in the desert, I search for the path to
you. You seem to have forgotten me, yet each time I am at a low point you
appear. In my weakest moment you strengthen me. How can I not walk through
the parted sea, or follow the pillar of fire, or trust that the manna will
be there again the next morning?
Then again did Abraham and Sarah not question the possibility of having
a child when they were both so advanced in years? Did Zechariah and Elizabeth
not doubt the same way? Finally was young Mary of Nazareth not puzzled
by how would it be possible for her to have a son since she had no knowledge
of man? I too have many questions, when I am aware of God’s presence. Yet,
how can I not take that leap into the invisible arms of God?
Can
there possibly be any soul, O Lord, that reaches the stage where you grant
it such graces and favours, and understands that you rejoice to be with
it, and yet falls back into sin after so many favours and such great demonstrations
of the love you bear it? Of this love there can be no doubt, since its
effects are visible. Yes, there is indeed such a soul; I have fallen back
in this way not once but many times. May it please your goodness, Lord,
that I may be the only thankless one, the only one who has committed this
great wrong, and behaved with such excessive ingratitude. Yet your infinite
goodness has produced some good even from that; the wickeder I have been,
the more the glory of your great mercies has shone out. What great reason
I have to sing of them forever! 21
It
is true that the presence of God in contemplation always brings peace and
strength to the soul, but sometimes that peace is buried under pain and
darkness and aridity. Strength is given to us, sometimes, only when we
have been reduced to an extreme sense of our own helplessness and incapacity........
Infused contemplation, then, sooner or later brings with it a terrible
interior revolution. Gone is the sweetness of prayer. Meditation becomes
impossible, even hateful. Liturgical functions seem to be an insupportable
burden. The mind cannot think. The will seems unable to love. The interior
life is filled with darkness and dryness and pain. The soul is tempted
to think that all is over and that, in punishment for its infidelities,
all spiritual life has come to an end.....
Generally they remain faithful to God: they try to serve Him. But they
turn away from interior things and express their service in externals.
They externalize themselves in pious practices, or they immerse themselves
in work in order to escape the pain and sense of defeat they have experienced
in what seem, to them, to be the collapse of all contemplation. The light
shineth in darkness and the darkness did not comprehend it. (Jn 1:5) 22
| Mt.
14:22-33 |
Tell
me to come to you across the water, let me not doubt when the wind blows. |
| Ps
71 |
Do
not reject me in my old age, my hope will never fade, I will play the harp
to you, for you. |
| Jh
11:1-54 |
It
seems such a long time that you have left me in darkness, yet in the end
you are here to give me a new life, at the risk of losing your own. |
| P18:
16-19 |
You
pull me from the watery depths and rescue me from my enemies deep within
myself. |
|
The
Beauty Of Creation Bears Witness To God
Question
the beauty of the earth,
the
beauty of the sea,
the
beauty of the wide air around you,
the
beauty of the sky;
question
the order of the stars,
the
sun whose brightness lights the day,
the
moon whose splendor softens the gloom of night;
question
the living creatures that move in the waters,
that
roam upon the earth,
that
fly through the air;
the
spirit that lies hidden,
the
matter that is manifest;
the
visible things that are ruled,
the
invisible that rule them;
question
all these.
They
will answer you;
“Behold
and see, we are beautiful.”
Their
beauty is their confession of God.
What
made these beautiful changing things,
if
not one who is beautiful and changeth not?23 |
A Renewal
of Hope
Praying the rosaries of my life, 24 at each
turn I am mindful of the many gifts you have given me, of my turning away
from you repeatedly, and of how you lovingly embrace me again. I ponder,
I weep and I smile. Indeed I may be lost in the dark forest now, yet I
know with the next turn, I will see your ray of light, and will come to
the edge of a clearing. Yes, the sun will shine through the thick morning
fog and I will come to another landing.
Darkness
that is really light; dryness that is living water – our natural way of
seeing and experiencing fails us here. We are left only with faith and
hope and love. But gradually, mysteriously and incredibly, we come to discover
even in this life that this darkness is the only true light, that only
the apparently dry well can really slake our thirst.
25
2
Sam 11: 2-17,
12: 1-13 |
As
your chosen one from the days of my youth, I have sinned against you grievously,
yet you are so fast in forgiving me. |
| Ps
62 |
Rest
in God alone, my soul! He is the source of my hope. |
| Mk
10: 21, 27 |
One
more thing I need to do, that is, to return your gaze of love, in poverty
of mind and spirit. Impossible for me to do on my own, but with you, everything
is possible. |
| Ps
103: 15-17 |
My
life is as transient as the wild flowers of the field, yet your love for
me is eternal. |
| Mt
26: 38 |
Lord,
I have fallen asleep, unable to share your sorrow, to feel the pain you
must bear with your open wounds, because of our stubbornness, our inability
to reconcile with each other & with you. |
| Ps
92: 1-3 |
I
am so grateful that I long to sing your song. My heart constantly yearns
to make music to your name. |
|
The
Pillar of the Cloud
Lead,
kindly light, amid the encircling gloom,
Lead thou me on!
The
night is dark and I am far from home;
Lead thou me on!
Keep
thou my feet; I do not ask to see
The distant scene; one step enough for me.
I
was not ever thus, nor prayed that thou
Should lead me on;
I
love to choose and see my path; but now
Lead thou me on!
I
love the garish day, and, spite of fears
Pride ruled my will: remember not past years!
So
long thy power has blest me, sure it still
Will lead me on
O’er
moor and fen, o’er crag and torrent till
The night is gone,
And
with the morn those angel faces smile
Which I have loved long since and lost awhile! 26 |
Love
In Darkness: In Communion With God And With
All Creation
Not with blazing heat or fireworks, not with celebratory bells or trumpet
blast, not with passionate embrace or ecstatic union; no, now I feel you
in the soft breeze of the cool morning air, I see you in the warm glow
of the setting sun and I know you in the many ordinary people I encounter
from day to day. Yes, you are guiding me to love subtly & silently,
like some old married couples. No longer do I accept you only in the good,
but I also accept you in what seems to be bad. I am not in control of myself,
of others or of circumstances. Powerlessly and patiently I wait, I sigh,
I pine.....for that rare moment of your consolation. Slowly I am learning
to be content with being loved by you in darkness, perhaps never see you
again....except always knowing that you are there, close by.
Christian
contemplation, being produced in the soul by the most sublime and delicate
action of infused love, makes the soul perfect in the love of God while
perfecting all the other virtues in that same contemplative love......Be
content to remain in loneliness and isolation and dryness and anguish waiting
upon God in darkness. Your inarticulate longing for Him in the night of
suffering will be your most eloquent prayer and will be more valuable to
you and to the Church and will give more glory to God than the highest
natural flights of the intelligence or the imagination.......... By pouring
His Wisdom into your soul He is accomplishing the greatest work of His
love and forming the perfect likeness of Christ, His incarnate Word, in
you and perfecting His Church through everything that you allow Him to
perform by the agency of your free will transformed and elevated in Him.27
| Mt
6: 26-30 |
Yes,
I am more precious than the birds in the sky and the lilies in the valley. |
| Jn
20: 1-18 |
In
one single moment, all my cumulative feelings of loss have vanished, I
am lifted by you to a new level of intimacy, to a love without the need
for proximity or consolation. You have called me to be you on this earth,
for others. |
| Jh
21: 18 |
Beloved,
to you I stretch out my hands, put your belt around me and take me wherever
you wish me to go. |
| Is
35: 1-2 |
The
barrenness of my desert will turn into fertile blossoms. |
| Jon
2: 1-11 |
Like
Jonah I try to escape from the path you set for me. In darkness I pray
to you and you deliver me to my destiny. |
| Jn
21: 15-17 |
Do
I love you? Do I love you? Do I really love you? My love for you will bear
fruits in others. |
|
The
Sighs That Turn Into Song
Oh
no, the stone has been moved...
Where
have they taken you?
The
dawn is dim, the night air still moist...
Where
are you my Love?
Running
through empty streets and rocky fields
So
fast....now I feel the cuts on my feet.
My
heart bleeds along with yours
Ever
since the news of your arrest.
My
mind full of the images
Of
your wounds, your struggle, your falls.
So
much noise, so many people
Yet
your gaze penetrates the crowd.
It
seems forever, a slow agonizing end
Between
two thieves they erect you.
Mid
day only, but the sky has changed.
We
communicate without word.
I
must get help fast, must tell the others.
Peter
and John have come and gone.
I
don’t believe them.
You
must be around !
How
I long to touch you again,
Your
limp and lifeless body.
In
haste we have to leave you,
But
where are you now?
Nights
without sleep or food
I
am exhausted to the point of collapse.
Yet
I must try to find you
Where
have those soldiers hidden you?
The
sun is now high and bright,
I
can hardly open my eyes.
Can’t
see clearly through my own tears,
A
shadow comes over me.
Ah,
the gardener, he must know!!
Why
shouldn’t I weep? I have lost my Love.
“Mary”
my heart misses its beats!
Is
that really you? Yes, “Rabbuni!”
I
am so overjoyed that I can burst.
What?
Your father & my father?!
We
are one, your look tells me everything.
I
must run again, this time to tell the good news.
I
no longer want anything
except
to love until I die of love.
I
am free,
and
I fear nothing.28 |
Epilogue:
The
Need to Give Thanks
Creator
of the universe, my beginning and my end,
Words
will never fully express my gratitude,
For
my overwhelming joy in you,
Or
the peace that you alone can bring.
Thank
you for the fields of wild flowers,
the running stream,
The
birds in heaven, the fire-flies,
The
children across the school yard,
The
aged and the dying.
In
the algae on the pond, I see the teaching,
Of
detachment yet rooted in the Living Water.
In
the garden with weeds & grass, I learn the lesson
Of
discernment and of prayer.
Thank
you for every thread you have woven
In
the tapestry of my life.
Thank
you for all the ups and downs,
And
for the monotonous routines.
I
feel the anxiety of an impending war,
The
mental anguish of the restless,
The
suffering of the sick & the lonely,
The
pain of those who have lost
the loved ones in the prime of their lives.
I
give thanks for all that I cannot comprehend.
I
give thanks when I am in total darkness.
I
only know that you love deeply and eternally.
Thank
you for accepting
my broken and imperfect love.
§
Endnotes
17.
Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, Hymn of the Universe, Simon Bartholomew,
trans. (Harper & Row, Publishers, New York & Evanston, 1965), p.134
18.
St. Catherine of Sienna, The Dialogue, Suzanne Noffke, O.P., trans.
( Paulist Press, New York & Mahwah, 1980), p. 273
19.
St. Therese of Lisieux, excerpt from Living on Love, The Poetry
of St. Therese of Lisieux, Donald Kinney, O.C.ED. trans. (ICS Publications,
Institute of Carmelite Studies, Washington, DC, 1996) p. 89-92
20.
St. Augustine, Book X, 27, Confessions, R. S. Pine-Coffin, trans.
( Penguin Books Ltd, London England, 1961) p. 231-232
21.
St. Teresa of Avila, Singing the Same Song, The Life of St. Teresa of
Avila by Herself, J. M. Cohen trans. ( Penguin Books Ltd. London, England,1957)
p.102
22.
Thomas Merton, What is Contemplation? (Templegate Publishers, Springfield,
Illinois, revised 1981) p.40, 42, 45-46
23.
St. Augustine
24.
John Veltri S.J., Healing of Memories for Oneself, Orientations Vol.
1: Collection of Helps for Prayer, (Loyola House, Guelph, Ontario,
revised 1996) p. 41-43
25.
Thomas H.Green S.J., Drinking From A Dry Well, (Ave Maria Press,
Notre Dame, Indiana, 1991) p.65
26.
John Henry Newman
27.
Thomas Merton, What is Contemplation? (Templegate Publishers, Springfield,
Illinois, revised 1981) p. 72, 74, 77
28.
Vicky Chen ( Burlington, Ontario) Last stanza from a prayer of St Therese
of Lisieux.
a.
Ruth Mclean's Website can be found at: http://www.poemsforyou.org
b.
Vicky Chen's Website can be found at: http://tidbits.0catch.com
|