THE
TWELVE
STEPS
A SCRIPTURE
PRAYER
PATTERN
STEP
1
We
admitted we were powerless over the effects of addiction
--
that our lives had become unmanageable.
Like the blind we feel
our way along walls and hesitate like those without eyes. We stumble as
though noon were twilight and dwell in the dark like the dead -- Is
59:10
| Rm
7:18-20 |
I
do not do what I will but I do what I don't want to |
| Ps
6 |
I
am worn out from groaning ... God has heard the sound of my weeping |
| Mk
4:35-41 |
In
the midst of a furious squall, disciples yelled out for help |
| Jn
15:1-8 |
Vine
and the branches ... |
| 2Cor
12:9-10 |
My
power is best in your weakness |
STEP
2
Came
to believe that a Power greater than ourselves
could
restore us to sanity.
God, you are
my God, I am seeking you, my soul is thirsting for you, my flesh is longing
for you ... as in a parched land without water. -- Ps 63:1
| Phil
2:13 |
For
it is God who enables you both to will and to act |
| Matt
14:22-34 |
Storm
at sea |
| Matt
17:20 |
If
you have faith as small as a mustard seed you can move mountains |
| Mk
9:14-29 |
Healing
of the epileptic boy ... I do believe, help my unbelief |
| Ps
34 |
I
sought my God who came to me and who is close to the broken hearted |
| 2Cor
1:9 |
We
felt the sentence of death so that we could rely on God |
| Is
40:28-31 |
God
gives strength to the weary |
STEP
3
Made
a decision to turn our will and our lives
over
to the care of God as we understood God.
I need only say "I
am slipping," and your love, my God, immediately supports me -- Ps.94:18,19
| Jer
29:11-14 |
I
have plans for you - plans for your welfare ... |
| Rom
12:1-2 |
I
urge you to offer yourselves entirely as living sacrifices |
| Prov
3:5-6 |
Trust
the Holy One with all your heart |
| Jn
1:12-13 |
All
who received God's word were given the right to become God's children |
| Matt
11:28-30 |
Come
to me all you who are weary and burdened and I shall give you rest |
| Matt
26:36-46 |
Agony
in the garden |
STEP
4
Made
a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
If we say we have no
sin in us, we are deceiving ourselves and refusing to admit the truth;
but if we acknowledge our sins, then our faithful God will forgive our
sins and purify us from everything that is wrong -- 1 Jn 1:8
| 1Jn
1:8-10 |
If
we claim we have no sin the truth is not in us ... |
| Lk
12:1-6 |
Jesus
warns us against hypocrisy ... nothing is covered up that will not be uncovered |
| Jm
1:19-25 |
Be
both hearers and doers of God's word ... get rid of all your evil
ways |
| Col
3:1-10 |
Put
to death whatever belongs to your old self ... |
| Jer
17:9-10 |
The
heart is deceitful about all things |
| Mk
14:66-72 |
Denials
of Peter |
| Gal
6:3-5 |
Each
one needs to test his own actions |
| Ps
139:1-6 |
My
God you know me through and through ... test my ways |
STEP
5
Admitted
to God, to ourselves, and to another human being
the
exact nature of our wrongs.
Realizing one's predicament,
a person comes to one's senses and says ... "My God, I have sinned against
heaven and against you. I no longer deserve to be called your child"
-- Lk 15:21
| Ps
51:1-5 |
Have
mercy O God ... against you ,you alone have I sinned |
| Lk
7:36-50 |
Sinful
women washes Jesus feet with her tears |
| Lk
15:11-24 |
Prodigal
son admits his sin and returns home |
| Lk
18:9-14 |
Parable
of the pharisee and the tax collector |
| Jm
5;13-18 |
Praying
over each other ... confess your sins to each other |
| Ps
32:3-7 |
When
I admitted my sin ...God took away my guilt |
STEP
6
Were
entirely ready to work in partnership with God
to
remove our ineffective behaviour.
Have mercy on
me, O God, in your goodness, in your great tenderness wipe away my faults;
... For I am well aware of my faults, I have my sin constantly in mind
-- Ps 51:1-3
| Ps
51:6-12 |
Create
in me a clean heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me |
| Phil
3:12-14 |
We
press on to take hold of that for which Jesus grasped hold of us |
| Rom
12:2 |
Do
not conform to the patterns of this world but be transformed ... |
| Ps
119:10-12 |
I
seek you with all my heart ... do not let me stray from your commandments |
STEP
7
Humbly
asked God to help us remove our shortcomings.
I am not worthy to
have you under my roof; and for this same reason I did not presume to come
to you myself; but give the word and let my servant be cured - Lk 7:6-7
| Ps
51 |
Wash
me from all my sin ... |
| Ps
25:8-22 |
God
teaches us sinners God's ways |
| 1
P 5:6-7 |
Cast
all your anxieties on God who cares for you |
| Ti
3:3-7 |
We
too were enslaved ... then the kindness of God appeared and saved us |
| Jn
14:25-15:11 |
I
shall send the Spirit who will teach you all things ... |
STEP
8
Made
a list of all persons we had harmed
and
became willing to make amends to them all.
Let each of you examine
one's own conduct -- Gal 6:4
| Lk
6:27-38 |
Love
your enemies .... do not judge and you will not be judged |
| Lk
19:1-10 |
Story
of Zacchaeus |
| 1Jn
4:11-12 |
Since
God loves us so much we ought to love one another ... |
| Mt
6:14-15 |
God
forgives us in proportion to our forgiving others |
| Rom
2:1 |
At
whatever point you judge the other, you yourself are judged |
| Mt
7:3-4 |
Take
the log from your eye first |
STEP
9
Made
direct amends to such people wherever possible,
except
when to do so would injure them or others.
Never let the
sun set on your anger or else you will give the devil a foothold -- Eph
4:26-27
| Mt
5:23-24 |
Leave
your gift at the altar and first go and ask forgiveness from the one you
harmed |
| Mt
18:21-35 |
Forgive
seven times seventy seven ... parable of the unforgiving servant |
| Ez
33:15-16 |
If
one returns what one stole ... one will live |
| Rom
14:13 |
Do
not put a stumbling block in your neighbour's way |
| Lk
6:35-36 |
Love
your enemies ... do good to them ... lend without expecting anything back |
| Col
3:12-13 |
Clothe
yourselves with compassion ... have patience with each other |
STEP
10
Continued
to take personal inventory and,
when
we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
Bear with one another;
forgive each other as soon as a quarrel begins. God has forgiven you; now
you must do the same -
Col 3:13
| Eph
4:22-28 |
Put
off all falseness and speak honestly to all ... |
| Jm
1:23-25 |
Any
one who listens to the word but does not follow it, is like a person forgetting |
| Rom
12:1-13 |
Think
of your self with sober judgement ... not more highly than the truth |
| Eph
5:15-16 |
Be
careful how you live.. as a wise person making most of every opportunity |
STEP
11
Sought
through prayer and meditation to improve
our
conscious contact with God as we understood God,
praying
only for knowledge of God's will for us
and
for the power to carry that out.
Out of infinite glory,
may God give you power through the Spirit for your hidden self to grow
strong, so that ... you will ... have strength -- Eph 3:16-19
| Phil
4:6 |
Do
not be anxious ... in prayer present your requests to God |
| Lk
11:1-13 |
Teach
us to pray ... how much more will my Abba give you the Holy Spirit |
| Lk
6:49 |
Listening
to God's word ... building a house on a firm foundation |
| Matt
6:6 |
Praying
in secret ... rewarded by God who sees in secret |
STEP
12
Having
had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we
tried to carry this message to others,
and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.
"... Lord
... you know I love you." "Feed my sheep." -- Jn 21:17
| Phil
4:8-9 |
Put
into practice what we taught you |
| Col
4:5-6 |
Be
wise in the way you act towards others ... let your conversation be full
of grace |
| Eph
5:1-2 |
Be
imitators of God and live a life of love |
| Gal
6:1 |
You
who are spiritual should support those who are in need ... |
| Lk
8:16-18 |
You
are light ... you are salt |
| Phil
2:1-18 |
Put
on the mind and heart of Jesus in everything you do |
| Gal
5:22-26 |
The
fruit of the Spirit |
| 2Cor
1:3-6 |
God
has consoled us in our affliction so that we can console others in theirs
... |
LEARNING
TO BE COMPASSIONATE ALWAYS
Teach me, Lord Jesus, to be compassionate during those hurtful events of
life -- in disappointments, in thoughtlessness of others, in the insincerity
of those I trusted, in the unfaithfulness of those on whom I relied.
Let me put my self-righteousness aside, to exercise respect for others,
sometimes hiding my little pains and heartaches, so that I may not cause
others to suffer needlessly from them.
Teach me to profit by the suffering that comes across my path.
Let me so use it that it may mellow me, not harden nor embitter me.
AWARENESS
EXERCISE
"IN
A
SAFE
PLACE"
A
TOOL FOR RECOVERY
Recovery is a life-long journey for both the chemically dependent and co-dependent,
for both the primary addict and the co-addict, a journey that begins with
our acceptance of our powerlessness, and advances as daily we renew our
commitment to truth, to growth, to life, as we step out one day at a time.
The consciousness examen can become one of the many tools of recovery,
a vehicle, in fact, which helps to "create a safe space" for the adult
child or co-dependent to trust, to feel, to begin to share. Different models
of the examen are helpful for different stages of recovery as well as for
the different roles assumed by members of dysfunctional families.
The examen is prayer, and so remains gift, grace. We need to come to God
in a receptive stance, seeking to listen to God and to our day. To lose
this focus, we run the risk of falling into self-reflection, of becoming
"me-centred." As prayer, the examen is carried out as dialogue with God,
asking God to draw our attention to those moments requiring our attention,
accepting God's direction and letting go of control -- always a gentle
process as seen in the following models.
If you have been in
recovery only for a short while choose one of the suggested examens below
by clicking on that title:
IF YOU WERE
"THE
HERO" CHILD IN THE FAMILY
IF
YOU WERE "THE SCAPEGOAT" CHILD IN THE FAMILY
IF YOU WERE "THE
LOST" CHILD IN THE FAMILY
IF
YOU WERE "THE MASCOT" CHILD IN THE FAMILY
IF YOU WERE "THE
ENABLER/CARETAKER" CHILD IN THE FAMILY
On the other hand if
you have been in recovery for a long time click here.
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
IF
YOU WERE "THE HERO" CHILD
-
Consciously place yourself
in God's presence. Remember this is an act of faith and not based on feelings.
Allow yourself to remember that God has been present throughout your day
-- whether or not you were aware of God.
-
Ask God for the grace
to see your day through the Spirit's eyes.
-
Allow God to show you
what there is to be thankful for. Respond to what is shown -- share your
true feelings and reactions. Is there something for which you find it difficult
to be thankful for? Look at it together with God.
-
Now begin to review your
day with God, asking God to show you where you gave up "being you" in order
to do, to accomplish moments of -- perfectionism -- of control.
-
Freely share your feelings
with God.
-
Take time to allow God
to love you -- allow yourself to soak in that love.
-
Ask God to show you where
God is inviting you to grow, to change, how God may desire to forgive and
heal you. How would these changes look in your day tomorrow?
-
Pray for the grace to
co-operate and respond to God's call in specific ways that will unfold
tomorrow.
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
IF
YOU WERE "THE SCAPEGOAT" CHILD
Steps 1,2,3, as outlined
above for the Hero.
4. Ask God to
show you where you acted in order to draw attention to yourself or to deflect
attention from problem areas or persons. Continue as for Hero
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
IF
YOU WERE "THE LOST" CHILD
Steps 1,2,3, as outlined
above for the Hero.
4. Ask God to
show you where you chose not to speak up, not to share although you had
a contribution to make -- where you disregarded your needs or chose peace
at any cost. Continue as for Hero.
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
IF
YOU WERE "THE MASCOT" CHILD
Steps 1,2,3, as outlined
above for the Hero.
4. Ask God to
show you where you may have used humour or self-attention to deflect the
seriousness of the moment. Continue as for Hero.
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
IF
YOU WERE "THE ENABLER/CARETAKER" CHILD
Steps 1,2,3, as outlined
above for the Hero.
4. Ask God to
show you where you assumed another's responsibility -- where you denied
your own needs -- where your "help" allowed another to continue in dysfunctional
pattern and denial. Continue as for Hero.
CREATING
A SAFE SPACE
AWARENESS
EXAMEN FOR THE ADULT CHILD
The full examen here is more appropriate for one who has been in recovery
for some time ...
| Place
yourself in God's presence. Remember this is an act of faith and not based
on feelings. Allow yourself to remember that Our Caring God has been present
throughout your day -- whether or not you were aware of this presence. |
| Ask
for the grace to see your day through the Spirit's eyes. |
| Allow
God's Spirit to show you what there is to be thankful for. Respond to what
is shown -- share your true feelings and reactions. Is there something
for which you find it difficult to be thankful? Look at that together with
the Spirit.
Now
begin to review your day with God's Spirit, allowing your attention to
be drawn to what the Spirit finds significant. |
-
Ask
the Spirit to bring into the God's light anything you would rather hold
secret. Look at this together. Share openly.
-
Allow
the Spirit to bring to your attention what you are feeling right now, at
significant points in your day -- feelings you may not have allowed yourself
to feel.
-
Ask
the Spirit to remind you of when and how you handled certain situations
quite well and help you acknowledge and rejoice in that knowledge.
-
Ask
the Spirit to show you where God was inviting you to trust today -- perhaps
to trust yourself, your feelings, your experience -- calling you to trust
others -- calling you to trust the God. Respond freely and openly to what
the Spirit shows you.
|
| Spend a few moments
with God as Mother or Father or Friend or with Jesus or with the Spirit
in gratitude for loving you; allow yourself to soak in that love. |
--
this whole section on the examen
for the
co-dependent and the adult child
has been
created by Bonnie Kirk, with thanks.
THE
SERENITY
PRAYER
O God grant
me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change
the things I can;
and wisdom to know
the difference.
Help me to live one
day at a time, to enjoy one moment at a time,
to accept hardships
as the pathway to peace.
May I learn from Jesus
to take this broken world as it is
and not as I would
have it.
Give me the grace to
trust
that you will make
all things right,
if I embrace your
desires for myself and my sisters and brothers.
May I be reasonably
happy in this life
and supremely happy
with you forever in the next.
Amen..
--
adapted from the prayer of Reinhold Niebuhr
MUSINGS
ON
THE
MAGNIFICAT
My
soul glorifies you my God,
My
spirit rejoices in you my Saviour!
For
you have blessed me lavishly
and
make me ready to respond.
You
shatter my little world
and
let me be poor before you.
You
take from me all my plans
and
give me more than I can hope for or ask.
You
give me opportunities and the ability
to
become free and to burst through
my
boundaries.
You
give the strength to be daring,
to
build on you alone, for you show
yourself
as the ever greater One
in
my life.
You
have made known to me this:
It
is in my being servant
that
it becomes possible
For
your realm to break through
here
and now.
--
adapted from Olga Worenski, IBVM
In
Relationship
God - you are the mother
some of us have ...
the mother who embraces
because the child is cold
the mother who feeds
because the child is hungry
the mother who constantly
affirms, because
the child is afraid.
God - you are
the father that some of us have ...
the father who listens,
because the child speaks
the father who knows
his gentleness,
because the child
reaches up,
the father who guides
and answers, because
the child asks and
seeks.
God - you are
the friend some of us have ...
the friend who is
always there, even when we shove them away,
the friend who believes
in us, even when we don't believe in ourselves
the friend who stands
face to face, even when we turn away.
God - you are
the brother or sister some of us have ...
the brother who teases,
when we take ourselves too seriously
the sister who sings,
when we have lost the song
the brother, the sister
who comes, when crisis comes
and we know we are
not alone ...
God - you are
all this and more.
You take the
image of that one ...
that relationship
that loves us into living ... and say,
Here I am
Thank God - you
will not be limited by us.
You come again and
again!
---
written by Karen Toole-Mitchell
Letting
Go
To
a dear one about whom I have been concerned.
I
behold the Christ in you.
I
place you lovingly in the care of the All Caring One.
I
release you from my anxiety and concern.
I
let go of my possessive hold on you.
I
am willing to free you to follow the dictates of
the
indwelling Spirit.
I
am willing to free you to live your life
according to your best light and understanding.
Husband,
wife, child, friend,
I
no longer try to force my ideas on you, my ways on you.
I
lift my thoughts above you, above the personal level.
I
see you as God sees you,
a
spiritual being,
created
in God's image,
endowed
with qualities and abilities that make you needed
and important not only to me but to God and God's larger perspective.
I
do not bind you.
I
no longer believe that you do not have
the
understanding you need in order to meet life.
I
bless you
I
have faith in you,
I
behold Jesus in you.
--
from the late Herve Marcoux, OMI
Act
Of Hope And Confidence In God
My
God, I believe most firmly
that
you watch over all who hope in you,
and
that we can want for nothing
when
we rely upon you in all things.
Therefore
I am resolved for the future ... to cast all my cares upon you
People
may deprive me of possessions and status.
Sickness
may take my strength from me. I may even jeopardize our
relationship
by sin; but my trust shall never leave me.
I
will preserve it to the last moment of my life,
and
the powers of hell shall seek in vain to grab it from me.
Let
others seek happiness in their wealth and in their talents.
Let
them trust in the purity of their lives,
in
the number of their activities, in the intensity of their prayer;
as
for me, my confidence in you fills me with hope.
You
are my divine protector. In you alone do I hope.
I
am assured, therefore, of my eternal happiness,
for
I firmly hope in it and all my hope is in you.
"In
you, O Loving God, have I hoped: let me never be confounded."
I
know too well that I am weak and changeable.
I
know the power of temptation against the strongest virtue.
I
have seen stars fall and foundations of my world crack.
These
things do not alarm me.
While
I hope in you, I am sheltered from all misfortune,
and
I am sure that my trust shall endure,
for
I rely upon you to sustain this unfailing hope.
Finally,
I know that my confidence cannot exceed your generosity,
and
that I shall never receive less than I have hoped for from you.
Therefore
I hope that you will sustain me against the ways
in
which I deceive myself.
I
hope that you will protect me against the deceitful attacks
of
the evil one. I hope you will cause my weakness
to
triumph over every hostile force.
I
hope that you will never cease to love me
and
that I shall love you unceasingly.
"In
you, O God, I have hoped, let me never be confounded."
--
adapted from the prayer of Claude de la Colombiere
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